Hi friends!
The holidays are upon us--and as much as I want to throw on my jammies and start sipping a bottomless cup of cocoa, I've got a little more Christmas shopping to do. And this year? That includes a trip to the big-kid phone store. Androids and Apples and accessories, oh my! :)
In case you are making the same trek, I thought I'd take a minute to share thoughts about one of the most common things parents ask me when they are purchasing their teen a big-kid phone:
iOS vs. Android? Which one is better when your teen is ready for a smartphone?
We've tried BOTH in the Boan family! So today I'm sharing a few thoughts to help you decide which platform will best support YOUR child in your social media journey. And while there are many things to consider, I am not here to get technical. Instead, I'm just sharing my limited, imperfect perspective as a mom trying to stay engaged with my teens. Take what you need!
xo, kb
The transition from a "first phone" to a smartphone can be overwhelming and it might be tempting to throw your hands in the air and disengage from your teen’s digital world...but friend, that is the LAST thing you want to do during this season.
For this reason, when you weighing the benefits of iOS vs. Android, I recommend keeping your family platforms streamlined. If you own an Android, get your teen an Android. If you own an Apple, get your teen an Apple. Make your job as simple as possible; parenting a teen takes an enormous amount of energy and you don’t want to waste it fighting against two platforms that do not play well together.
We're an Android family, so when we transitioned our oldest daughter to a smartphone, she got an Android. We used Google Family Link to set her downtime and approve app requests—this supervision remains in place until you turn it off. (Starting at age 13, your child can request that you turn it off, but we left ours in place until 17.)
We used Bark to monitor her activity, and it ran quietly in the background, filtering the internet and alerting us to anything concerning. Because Android is an open-source operating system, it is easily compatible with all sorts of monitoring services like Bark and makes monitoring your child's activity easy.
So. When it was time for our son to transition to his first smartphone, we gave Apple a try.
In order to set up your teen’s parental controls on an iPhone, you (the parent) will first need your own iCloud account. If you are an Android user, you do NOT need to buy an Apple device to set this up; just go to Apple’s iCloud website.
I won’t lie...it's been GREAT to shed the green bubble shame. He’s less excluded from group texts or shared photo albums than his Android sister. And I’ve found that parental controls and Screen Time internet filters work great.
But here's what I’ve learned: monitoring apps like Bark do not play well with Apple. The reason? Apple has better data-protection for kids, which is fantastic--except when it prevents third party monitoring apps. In some ways, the built-in security features on Apple are its own worst enemy.
So what does this mean? If your teen is getting bullied in a group chat or being sent nudes by a peer or has a friend texting thoughts about self-harm--and they aren’t talking to you about it--the only way to know is to manually pick up the phone and investigate. Even then, teens can easily hide or delete red flags that you’d ideally like to be aware of.
Ultimately, without Bark’s help, you have to work a lot harder to offer your teen support as they navigate difficult waters.
Here’s the bottom line.
Apple = social inclusion for teens.
Android = better monitoring for parents.
Whichever product you choose, be prepared to fill the gaps.
Here’s what I mean: My daughter's Android monitored by Bark allowed me to sleep easily at night, but it was a social burden for her. This meant I needed to take extra time supporting her in moments when she was socially excluded or harassed about green bubbles.
My son's Apple is a better experience socially, but as a parent, I’m missing my bestie, Bark, during this formative season of life. We’ve added Covenant Eyes to the iPhone, which provides accountability for the browser, but it is definitely more geared for adult accountability than teens. It’s not as convenient as Bark, but it works.
When our next two teens are ready to transition to a smartphone, I’m not sure we will opt for the iPhone again.
We’ll weigh the pros and cons of iOS vs. Android against each child's unique needs. We’ll do our best to fill in the gaps of whatever platform we choose. And ultimately? We’ll give ourselves permission to make mistakes, give do-overs, and lean hard on God’s grace.
Need a recap?
Author Krista Boan
Krista Boan is the co-founder of the international nonprofit Screen Sanity , host of the Screen Sanity podcast and a former middle school teacher. Her current work is developing simple social media mentorship resources for tweens, which she shares through the Social Compass newsletter. Krista has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, NBC with Diane Sawyer, the New York Times and Christianity Today. She lives in Kansas City with her husband and four t(w)eens.
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